I often asked myself before I got married, whether I had what it takes to be a good husband.

Can I devote myself to the interests of one woman?

Can I be there for her in her times of need?

Will I be able to do all that is required to make her happy?

Do I better myself in order to give more to the marriage?

While the answer turned out to be Yes, making it so was where the effort counts, and where the effort matters even when it wasn't easy.

Sometimes it requires me to share in the decision making.

Sometimes it requires me to not be the decision maker.

Sometimes it requires me to lead.

Confused? Being a husband requires every skill a man possesses and the need to always be more.

We must be generous and selfless, kind and understanding.

We must see our wives as flawless, even if there are faults, they must be handled gently.

We must see in them the better parts of ourselves, the pillars of peace in a world filled with troubles.

Impossible? A marriage is where a man proves he has what it takes to really be a man.

It doesn't always mean we let our wives win the arguments, not defer to their every whim. Spoiling them will only create more problems.

Rather, speak to them with honesty, delicately as strong worded criticism cuts like knives into their hearts.

If they are not informed, explain things.  If they are unaware, ask if they seek it.  If they care not, they have a right to.

They are not us, nor should they think or act as if they ought to believe as you do, care about things as you would.

Yet your concerns also have merit, your positions also have truth, and your desires also to be fulfilled.

A wife also has a vow to fulfill, and her promise to keep.  Communicating love reminds someone of the foundations of marriage, lest they forget it in the heat of arguments and cruelty of hurtful words.

A man can easily lose himself in the moment, let his tempers and passions override his conscience.

A man can sacrifice his dignity for his wife, but then robs him of his strength to fulfill his promises.

A man must therefore take pause, and look at any situation with different eyes before taking action.

A man must know the consequences of actions before enacting upon them.

A man, a husband, has to be at peace with his decisions, only then can they be unquestionable.

A man must never let doubts linger, or he becomes a man of inaction.

We are the sum of our choices, and in a marriage a husband's actions multiplies to affect two people. 

We must choose carefully, and thoughtfully what we do.  That is what it takes.

We then must explain to our wives why we think and do what must be. 

They may not agree, but they will respect you.

If a wife does not respect you, then they will walk all over you.  Maybe not today, but eventually.

A man, a husband can function when he has the respect and understanding of his wife.

That, is also what it takes.

Although you hope she will do the same for you, she is a woman. 

They just don't think and do things the same, just accept it, and do what feels right to you as a man.

Don't expect her to understand everything, but you can earn her acceptance.

If you expect and demand she be like you, she cannot and never will.

Because a wife has her own mind, yours to win over for eternity, again and again.

A wife may bend but never yield, just as you are.

Bend, but never yield.

While people spend their times doing the same things year after year, month after month, enjoying the same things the same way but in different places, I quietly look at how little has changed with them from their twenties into their thirties and forties.

They have more spending money now, to which they spend it on the repetitive leisure activities. Bars, clubs, bars, clubs, bars, clubs. Like vampires, they suck life out of other people rather than grow life, nurture life, and give to life.

They remain single, variety and abundance made them picky and uncompromising where it comes to dating.  Even the ones that have relationships, seem to have plateaued, going nowhere, just persisting and content to leave a precarious level of commitment open while youth fades away.

They talk about being wealthy, but act only the way the temporarily rich acts. I have not seen guys like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Mike Bloomberg spend their best youthful years partying and drinking their young lives away. At some point it is time to move on.

They don't care about the greater world around them. Not knowing that all things are inter-connected and that their success in life is dependent on their awareness of forces governing society and the economy, they only focus on the advantage they can gain in the moment. They seek the tactical victory, but lack the strategic vision to gain real power over their own lives.

They seek shortcuts to prosperity and love, which is understandable given our social norms breeds impatience and intolerance of time. Each day is a day you can live through or a day that marks your death. If you do not care to survive it, by taking care of your life, your body, and your emotional well being, then you welcome death. That is not courageous, just someone who does not value the purpose of fear.

Wealth and love are only valuable if it can get you something else. Wealth is valuable because it buys you security, comfort, and status. Love is valuable because it puts into place the bonds necessary to sustain a family dynamic. Pleasure if valuable too, but the reward of pleasure also is dependent on the value placed in the difficulty in achieving it. Without struggle, there is no relief.

Easy affirmations, suck-ups, pats on backs, and cheap words spoken in false praise, are things that bring superficial pleasures. Momentary richness in money do not reflect the wisdom in having a plan for the day the income is exhausted or interrupted. Without thought on the risks of ruin, the cynics and optimists do not have the metrics to hold positions where you can choose the right paths.

So in doing futile activities that fill time but do not create value in time, makes a person mediocre. If nothing else, it shows how worthless things like money are to people who never had to work hard to get it, let alone keep it or grow it.

Worthless becomes useless, and the useless don't have opportunity nor luck on their side to bring them what they really crave, relevance.